Inky Horizons

The Old Time Radio Show Catalog is offering free Halloween shows on their website.

I love Old Time Radio. People look at me askance when I say "I don't watch television" like I'm some kind of cultural freak or something who lives outside the acceptable loop of modern society. Well, yeah. I admit that I am and I do. I'm funny that way.  I'm also a bit of a fuddy duddy about some things. Guilty on all counts, thank you very much.

But I'm not watching television because I'm listening to OTR programs. Man, I just love that stuff and I've blogged about it lots of times here so I won't go into it again.

But if you want a taste of what Halloween was like way back in the Olden Days, haha, then you might want to make with the click and give these shows a listen. They're all public domain, too. Enjoy!  :)

Scary Halloween Old Time Radio Shows

Last night I listened to some old time radio shows called "Yours Truly, Johnny Dollar" and they were a lot of fun. He's an insurance detective who lists his expense items and that's the gimmick used to tell the mystery. He always tips a dollar (which was a LOT back in 1949). Lots of snappy repartee, sexual innuendo, and smart comedy.

These radio shows are fun all around, fast-paced and well-written. He walks into a hotel, flips a coin at the doorman:

"Wow, a dollar tip! There will be steak on the table tonight."

Or, he tips the elevator guy:

"Nice, a dollar tip!"

"Natch."

And the sexual innuendo for 1949 is out of this world. In one episode he meets a femme fatale.  She tells him to put another log on the fire.

"I'll get a damp one from outside," he says. "They burn longer."

"In that case, get a big one."

In another episode he again meets a girl.   She opens the door.  "Yes?"

"That's what I hope you'll be saying later tonight."

This was 1949!  And they got away with that on the radio?  Wow.

Lots of comedy, too. He calls in to the office with bad news and tells his boss's secretary, "Better sit on his lap and have the smelling salts ready."

"I'm not that kind of secretary," she says. Then, without missing a beat, "Anyway, he doesn't have a lap."

I think you will like these. They are a lot of fun. Check it out. :)

YOURS TRULY, JOHNNY DOLLAR

Today I had to buy a new battery for my laptop. That was my big day today, I'm afraid. But now I'm ready for the meeting with my writing buddy tomorrow!

Not much else to catch you up on. I am listening to the Lights Out radio program written and produced by Arch Oboler. They are great because they are legitimately scary. Other OTR programs are scary, too, like Inner Sanctum, which I also like. But Lights Out is SCARY. Funny, though. I won't listen to them during the day, only at night. Seems appropriate.  I'm still listening to Suspense, too. I just can't get into commercial television. So I've naturally gravitated toward these old time radio programs.

Went riding my bike today and didn't fall off. I was by myself so I had no one around to laugh at me. Made the experience much more pleasant!

I've listened to the Gunsmoke episodes all the way through two times now. It takes a while cuz there's like 406 of them. But I finished them the second time through a day or so ago. There's not much I can say that I haven't already said about these fantastic radio programs. All I can say further is if you haven't listened to them I urge you to give them a try. I believe you will enjoy them and learn something about how to write a story. I found them very helpful AND entertaining.  What more can you ask?

I'm still listening to other Old Time Radio programs, too. Suspense and Lights Out being the main two.  Suspense often starred old Hollywood actors playing against type, actors like Cary Grant and Orson Welles and Charles Laughton and tons of others. They are great mysteries-dark fantasies in which the denoument is only revealed at the last possible intant. They also have one of the most memorable opening themes ever and are introduced by The Man in Black.  These are superior OTR programs and I can't recommened them enough. There's also a lot of them to keep you occupied, over 900 programs in excellent condition. The writing and acting are first rate. It was another CBS program, just like Gunsmoke.

Lights Out is probably the scariest OTR program ever delevoped.  They weren't against smashing lemons with hammers and making you think it was someone's hand being crippled.  They weren't interested in grossing you out, they wanted to scare the fuck out of you...and they often succeeded.  Unfortunately, only a handful of these incredible episodes survive, the rest have been lost to us. This is also the series in which Bill Cosby talked about the Giant Chicken Heart, and, yes, fortunately that episode does survive.  If you like horror and the supernatural, you'll love Lights Out. Of all the "scary" OTR programs it was legitimately scary because they dwelled on the psychological aspect of horror.  And, if you have the guts, you should listen to them with the lights out.

Just make sure you have a fresh pair of underwear handy.

Here are links where you can listen to these programs. Just click on the radio name, click on the individual show and listen to it on your computer. Or you can go to the main page and find something that interests you. All the shows are here except Suspense, there are just enough to whet your appetite not all 900+ of them. The other listings are fully represented and all are in the public domain. See how easy I make things for you? It's because I love you. Have fun!

Lights Out

Suspense

Gunsmoke

It's difficult bringing me into the modern age. I admit that. And those who are committed to bringing me up to speed with technology have their work cut out for them. The fools.

I have a cell phone. I rarely turn it on (as people in my personal life can attest) because when I do it often beeps at me and I get worried. I've seen WAY too many 1950s SF movies where shit beeps at you and then you die.  Mostly from giant vegetables or over-sized insects that view you as a passing meat snack. And who needs that?

When audio books first made an appearance I wasn't too keen on them. I'm old-fashioned in a lot of ways. (Or just old.) I still like the feel and weight of books, the pungent smell of ink and the crisp feel of paper between my fingers when I turn the page.

I also remember when stamps were six cents and the mail was delivered twice a day.  Verily, I say unto you, I could mail a letter in-city that morning and it would be delivered the same day!  I remember Jonny Quest cartoons when they were new. I remember Johnny Carson when he was in New York and not California. I remember when milk came in bottles instead of cartons. Hell, I remember drive-in movies and ten cents would buy you a Snickers bar or a bag of Red Hots so big when you ate them all you'd puke.  And I remember Charlton Heston when he wasn't a wanker.

Like I said.  Old.

Anyhoo. Back to audio books. So like I said I wasn't a fan. I'd rather read a book than listen to it. But a couple of weeks ago I got this iPod thing with 120 GB of memory on it. I mean, seriously, why would I ever need that? All the music I have wouldn't fill that F'er up. Then I had a brain wave. Why not put all my radio shows, Gunsmoke, X-1, Tarzan, Suspense and the like, on the iPod? Then I can carry 'em around with me everywhere I go. Hey, not a bad idea. And then my writing buddy talked me into downloading this free application called Stanza to actually read (read!) an electronic book on this iPod thingy-ma-jig. (I haven't quite figured out how to do that, though.)

I was pretty adament about what audio books I was going to listen to. I'm too entrenched in my ways. I wasn't going to listen to something new so I decided to listen to the old Ian Fleming novels. Now those of you who have read my journal know James Bond was a big influence on me when I was twelve and thirteen years old. Although, in the interest of full disclosure, what isn't a big influence on you when you're that age? But I've read these novels many, many times and I knew them quite well. I supposed it wouldn't be too heretical for me to listen to 'em if I had the chance. Might be fun to see them through a new lens, so to speak.

And you know what? They're not that bad. I don't mean the novels themselves, I mean the whole audio book experience. Not surprising seeing as how I'm an Old Time Radio buff. But after thinking about this I think it goes deeper than that.

It goes to story.

You see, the first story tellers didn't write their tales. They told them around a campfire while everyone sat huddled not for warmth but so there'd be human contact as the story lifted them and brought them into a new world they hadn't seen before.

I imagine that was some pretty scary shit when it went down the first time. It's still kind of scary when you think about it, how we let the scales of our life fall from our bodies as we're transported somewhere and somewhen else by a book or magazine or old time radio show.  We give up being ourselves and trust the story teller to turn us into someone else and bring us back when it's done. That's pretty damn powerful when you think about it.

They were the same stories we read today, though. Stories about people trying to make their way in the world. Finding love. Finding destiny. Finding home. Nothing's changed about stories since we first started telling them to one another.  And despite all the technology and knowledge we coccoon ourselves in nothing much has changed about us, either.

Human beings LOVE stories. We like hearing a good story about other people even if the other people aren't very nice. Writing, radio, audio books, print, CDs, DVDs, cuneiform, whatever. You pick. The method by which the stories are expressed is always changing and will always be changing.  But the stories and their intimate relation to what makes us human...that endures.

It endures because we're human and stories, to be considered successful, must also be human. If they aren't then they're no longer stories.

So now I see the attraction of audio books. It's the same reason I love OTR. It's the spoken voice, the human connection of a story teller relating something different to me, helping me intergrate a past world or a future world or a life or a philosophy that is new to me. It's the connection of a human voice in your ear rather than the inner voice you use when you read to yourself. Both are valid. Both are important.

But I'm beginning to think one holds greater power over the other. In fact, I don't think they're in the same ballfield at all.

One last thing. People are obviously willing to pay as much for an audio book as I would for a print novel. Wouldn't there be a market for brand new radio shows as well? Not podcasts. I mean, not stories being read, but stories being acted out by actors with sound effects and whatnot? If audio books have shown us anything they've shown us that if the quality of the product is good enough (and sometimes even if it isn't) there will be an eager market.  So why haven't we seen this other manifestation yet?

I was wrong about audio books. But it's not about the audio books. It's what's going on with the stories themselves that I failed to see. I should have known better. I profess to be a profesional writer but I missed this big time.

I won't make the same mistake again.

One of the best places I've found to order CDs of old time radio episodes is OTRCAT.com. They have everything, every show imaginable. It's where I bought the Gunsmoke episodes from.

If you're interested in old time radio, or want to see what it's about, I urge you to browse through the website. Oh, and if you do decide to order something I believe I still have an old promotion code that will knock off 5 bucks. So drop me a line and I'll give it to you. (First come first serve, sorry.)

And for Gunsmoke buffs:

If you want to check out the individual Gunsmoke episodes and download them, then Chester says you should click this link here, Mr. Dillon.

If you don't want to do that but want it all because like me you're greedy and all this stuff is public domain anyway, then check out this website where you can download the entire Gunsmoke radio series in zipped files.

Here it is, the most famous Gunsmoke radio episode ever aired. It has everything, all the characters, the taut writing, the superb acting, the sound effects and the heart-rending pathos.  Written by John Meston it was the No. 1 favorite of fans.  If you listen you'll know why.

It's true after the first five minutes you'll also know how this old time radio episode is going to end. It doesn't take anything away from the story, believe me.  You're supposed to know how it ends before it ends.  That was John Meston's genius.  Fate drives Matt toward his destiny and there's not a damn thing he can do about it. Even he knows it and he can't stop himself or do anything to stop the events from unfolding to their horrific conclusion.

Click on the link and find Episode #115 entitled "Hack Prine" (1954-07-05). Click on that and your RealPlayer or whatever should open up the file. I looked for a way to embed just the one episode, but all I could find was a link to embed all 480 of them! I thought that was a bit much so let's try it this way if you're curious.

This is Gunsmoke at its best.  This is the episode. I hope you like it.

HACK PRINE

Inner Sanctum was an old horror radio program that was very popular back in the day. The host, Raymond, always told these awful jokes when introducing the story for that night.  He would say things like, "This one reminds me of the time a guy got this throat cut and thought to himself, 'Things are going from bad to hearse.'"  (And, no, they don't get any better than that, lol, sorry.)

Raymond was the forerunner to other hosts like Crypt Keeper and so on.  His tag line was "Pleasant dreammmssss......?" when he signed off.  Later, he was joined by the Lipton Tea Lady and they had wonderful repartee together.  She would chide him for his bad jokes and gruesome outlook on life, and he would say things like, "Fear makes a person thirsty. They'll drink more Lipton tea as a result!"  They were really good together and played well off each other, but she left later on and so did Raymond and a new guy hosted the series.

Some of the stories are scary, some not so much, but there's one that is hands down the most famous and scariest Inner Sanctum show ever produced.  It's called "Terror by Night" and was aired on 9-18-1945.  It's number 28 on the list of shows; just follow the link, click on the program and your Real Player or whatever will play the show for you.

Listen to it at night with the lights off...if you dare.

TERROR BY NIGHT